Almost showtime!

The last post I made, I was just about 3 months pregnant. Now I'm 34 week in, so only 6 more weeks to go before show time! Well, 6 weeks is an approximation. I see "due dates" as estimates, not final answers - because this baby will come out whenever it sees fit... and that may be before OR after this coming April 4th.

I have to say, I'm very grateful that the journey thus far has been drama-free. My discomforts have been minor: fatigue, sore boobs and heart burn in the beginning... graduating into achy joints and insane amounts of potty trips throughout the night. But nothing crazy. Thankfully no morning sickness, as barfing is like death to me. And above all, every test, report and check up with my Obstetrician has shown that baby and I are both healthy and ready-to-go.

I'd say the worst of my pregnancy symptoms have been hormonal. Or perhaps, psychological. Being 7 years into marriage and 33 years into life without kids, I've kinda gotten used to the idea of caring only for myself. Yes, of course I care about my husband and my family and people in general, but I don't feel responsible for any of them.  So I've been spending some time over-thinking, and perhaps over-dramatizing what this new life as a parent might be like. Or perhaps, I'm not over-thinking it at all. Maybe my concerns are justified and all the little things I'm worried about are what my near future is made of!

See?  That's what I've been doing in my head.

Then other times, I bravely embrace the moment and acknowledge that this was no accident - this is prayer fulfilled. I am healthy and capable and ready for the challenge and the joy that motherhood will inevitably bring. And when I can't seem to grasp enough positivity to think about all that, I revert to what my husband said once when I was venting to him about my fears of having this baby - "Well, it's too late now". A natural-born poet, that one.

I can wholeheartedly admit that all my fears and worries are completely selfish. Why? Because none of them have to do with the baby itself. I have supremo faith that this baby will be healthy and that my husband and I, as well as our excited families, will take amazingly good care of it. It will never want for love, attention or FOOD... that much I know for sure. And I am indeed grateful for that.

My concerns surround my career. My time. My sanity. My sleep. Our money. All the things that are going to change, in one way or another. But most of all, my career. I don't even like calling it that, because my love and attachment to acting, singing, performing, writing, creating... has never been just a job, even when I'm lucky enough to be paid for it. I consider it my life. I tend to define myself on the works I've created and the art I've performed. So unlike a lot of moms-to-be, I'm not at all looking forward to "mat-leave".  I don't want to be gone from the industry so long that casting directors don't remember who I am, my agent forgets my number and I have to start building my reputation from scratch again. Worse... what if I'm gone so long that I don't remember who I am? I want to be a GREAT mommy, but I don't want to be just a mommy. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But for me personally, I'm not interested in trading in my dreams as I know them for a crossing-guard vest.

Part of me feels guilty for these selfish thoughts when they arise, and another part of me is relieved that I am still willing to explore my truths and not fake-the-funk. 'Cause the truth is, you can have a myriad of feelings, all complex and contradictory, all at the same time. And it's normal, it's ok, it's fine.

Because with ALL that being said, I also really, really love this baby already. With every kick, squirm and dive he or she makes in my belly, I'm reminded that there is a healthy, active piece of brand new life coming to me. To us! And I am already getting a sense of it's personality - stronger kicks when I've taken too long to eat, and poignant stillness and attention when I'm singing. I decode that as "loves food. loves music". SO me. :-)

It's going to be so much fun watching this little person grow and learn... and especially laugh. We do lots of that around here, so I'm really looking forward to meeting this baby's smile and giggles.

Speaking of giggles, I gotta start getting ready now for my first Improv performance at Second City! I've been taking classes there and to graduate from Level C, we gotta hit the stage tonight. This will likely be the last stage that I hit before the baby arrives, so I'm gonna make the most of it... as terrified as I am (improv gives me more heebie-jeebies than the thought of childbirth!).

Wish me luck! And maybe by the next time I hit up this blog, I'll have baby pictures for ya ;-).

xoxoxo
~ Lisa Michelle

Hey BABY! Let me whisper in your ear...

... if you even have ears yet. 

Little baby, I am SO GLAD that you've chosen to take residence in my body and ultimately, my world! Kirk and I are excited, and maybe a bit nervous, but more excited than anything to be your mommy and daddy. Clearly, we're of age to wear those titles (and then some) but for the most part, we've been living like free-spirited kids until now... taking action (and trips!) on a whim and flying by the seat of our pants. Basically, we never really have a plan for this 'adult' thing or even this marriage thing, but we always end up happy. So please excuse a few of our fumbles when you join us out here in the oxygen-breathing part of the world and just know that everything we do will be done to make sure that you are happy too!

This is you at 12 weeks!

After all, you are no fluke, and certainly no accident. My daddy, your grandpops, died just a couple weeks before you came into our lives. Everyone was heartbroken when he left.  I thought I was going to die from it. You will come to know just how close we are as a family, and why this hurt us the way it did.  But I was most worried about my mom... your grandma. After all, she was married to him for 41 years... which means she has been with him for more years of her life than she has been without him. I was worried about her heart, little baby. I'm sure the whole family was.

I thought your grandma would do well with some REALLY, really good news at a time like this! Who am I kidding... we ALL needed some good news! You sounded like good news to me. I asked your daddy if we could have a baby... he thought you sounded like good news too. 

We always knew we wanted a baby, but as to when? That, we were never 100% sure of. We've been married for 7 years, and at times it felt like we were sure... then one of us would flake out on the whole thing. Okay, it was me. Mama LOVES performing... more than almost anything else in the world. So a lot of that indecision had to do with my fears of losing the ability to do that. Daddy always respected my fears, and perhaps had a few of his own. So alas, we often went from "yes, NOW is the time!" To "um... maybe after this National Godspell Tour??" 

See how much fun I was having with no responsibilites!? 

But when your grandpa died, nothing became more important to me than the heart. And to my own surprise, much of my little heart belongs not just to my personal aspirations, but to my family - the one that I have and the one I was hoping to have one day. And now I know for sure that like you, my creativity will always be a part of me. It's been faithful to me my whole life, even when I actively tried to put it aside. And seeing as how you will be my ULTIMATE creation, I believe you are indeed part of my dream fulfilled.

So here you are! We took you all the way to Europe this summer and we didn't even know it! You spent much time under the Maltese sun, inside historic Roman architecture and ate LOTS of pizza and pasta. And maybe a little wine... sorry. I said I DIDN'T KNOW! :-)

Me & you... in Malta! (I didn't know you were there... but I knew my boobs were getting out of control!)

So far, you've been growing with me for 13 weeks... thank you for not causing mama too much 'morning sickness'. But wow, are you ever using a lot of mama's energy! I can barely complete the simplest of tasks without feeling like I ran a marathon or ingested an entire pack of Gravol!

But I don't want to complain... at least, not too much :-). If you're using all this energy to grow, than it must mean you are growing quite nicely. And it's good pracitise for me to know just how much I'll have to give in order for you to get what you need... both now, and forever!

I'm going to end this because it's time to feed us now. I fear that this blog may  become a "mommy blog" for a while... something I used to roll my eyes at! But I have a feeling there are a lot of things that are gonna feel normal to me that I used to cringe at before you came along. Like minivans. And suburbs. And leaving the house without makeup on. Well... I don't know about all that :-D.

Me and you... at 13 weeks :-)

Love you, baby. Now let's EAT!

Xox

A Neo Soul Cabaret

The music I write and create with my beloved *collaborators* (past and present), has been called "R&B". Sometimes "Neo-Soul". Once in a while, "jazz".  And because I don't actually know what characteristics a song or musician must have to fit in either of these boxes, I tend to describe my music by what it's been called. The categorization of art can be frustrating at times, but generally, I feel that musicians have to compare their sounds to SOMETHING if we're asking strangers to listen to us, watch us, buy into us. Because not many people are going to open an unmarked box. 

Speaking of which, let me get to the point, and start talking to you about my FAVOURITE music box! The one marked "Neo Soul". In lies the words and sounds of Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, D'Angelo, Angie Stone, Maxwell, Musiq, Eric Benet, India Arie, Floetry, Foreign Exchange, and the list goes ON. And on... 

This music. This MUSIC! These poetry sounds of blackness, and mystique. Sexy, sensual, melodic, hypnotic fusions of hip hop and jazz, mixed with R&B soul... my cup runneth over with its goodness. Before the Neo-Soul movement came on the scene (late-90s) I had been singing... but these particular artists made me want to SANG!

And I did. And I'm thankful for all the inspiration and motivation I was given by these artists to do so. 

This NEO SOUL CABARET is hopefully just the first of a SERIES of my dedication to the music that continues to "make me". 

You're invited:

@ a Neo Soul Cabaret

Saturday July 5th, 2014

The Flying Beaver

488 Parliament St, Toronto

Tickets: $15 in advance, $20 at the door

Purchase via: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/732853 or 416-347-6567

FREE DOWNLOAD of my album "This Moment" for all ADVANCE TICKET buyers!

Black Coffee

Hi.

I've missed you. All of you! My fam (especially my fam), my BFFs, my band, my favourite sushi restaurants...

My latest musical adventure comes to an end this Friday - Avenue Q, the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical I've been performing in at the Sudbury Theatre Centre (about 3-4 hours North of Toronto).   As mentioned in my last post about Avenue Q, I got really lucky and was cast alongside a fellow Godspell alum (and great friend) for this show. Winning!

I only had one month between the end of the Godspell tour and the beginning of Avenue Q, so I made the most of it.  I enlisted the love and talents of some members from the Godspell band, and together we recorded a live-off-the-floor performance of my favourite jazz standard: Black Coffee.  

"Live-off-the-floor" means all instruments in one room, on one mix (well, that's what it means to me).  No chance to correct vocal blips or musical missteps once we walk away from the mics.  So what we ended up with are just beautiful, organic performances by Daniel Baerg on drums, Mark Laidman on bass and John Yun on piano and arrangements.  I like these people. I like this song. So here it is!

with pleasure,

~Lisa Michelle

My longest bio... Or shortest book ;-)

Over the last year, I've been asked a lot about my background as an artist. I've been a recording artist for about 4 years (I've released 3 R&B albums) and a professional (i.e. paid) musical theatre performer for just over 2. That's not a whole lot of career experience for someone my age, so the questions are usually: how did you get here? Or what were you doing before? 

I tend to envy the people who always knew who they were and what they wanted to be. Although I began piano and dance lessons at the age of 6, I wasn't aware of my calling until the 7th or 8th grade. I grew up in Mississauga and we took a class trip to downtown Toronto (kind-of-a-big-deal at the time) to see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat" starring Donnie Osmond. It was the first time I'd seen live theatre and certainly the first time I'd ever seen a musical. They sang, they danced, they splashed me with colours and lights and costumes... I was enchanted (and a crush on Donnie Osmond was born, but that's another story).  By the time the show was finished rocking my world, I certainly did NOT want to drive back to school that day. I wanted to stay with whatever it was that just happened to me . I wanted to be those people I saw on stage who appeared to be living and glowing in their purpose. It was right then that I knew I wanted to perform. 

So by 9th grade, I found myself auditioning for community theatre and high school plays alongside one of my besties. By 12th grade, him and I founded the school's first Drama Club with the support of one of our favourite teachers. 

I ended up at York University with hopes of getting my BA in English, then going to Teacher's college so I could then teach the thing that in reality, I wanted to do. I was too scared to enter a straight-up Theatre Program, so this was me compromising with myself. Well, York U went on strike very early into my first year. I don't remember the reasons or politics around the strike, but I remember feeling almost relieved. In my heart, I knew I wasn't where I wanted to be, so during the 11-week strike I got an agent and started working as an extra in film & TV. It certainly wasn't "acting", but I was on set almost everyday, surrounded by and learning from artists and filmmakers and crews. I got those same tingly feelings that I got watching Joseph all those years prior, so I knew that environment was feeding my passion and purpose.

So when the university's strike was over, so was I. I rushed out of there and applied for the shortest post-secondary program that would still give me a diploma. Even though I was now eager to begin my life as an artist, getting a diploma (in anything) was important to me. And my parents. So I ended up at Sheridan College for Advertising.

And because life is ever full of surprises and left turns and contradictions, I ended up loving the program! The teachers, the students and the classes were much more fun and creative than I thought they would be. Here I thought I was going to rush in and out of this two-year program just to get to the other side, but I ran into "possibility". I was actually relieved to have found something I loved outside of acting and performing because I felt I had a better chance of making a living in the Ad industry. There were plenty of jobs! There was salary, benefits and security! And no one ever got stage fright!

I took a job at an ad agency upon graduation and swiftly discovered that... nope. There is no way in hell I would or could sit at a desk for 60 hours a week. I need a microphone, an audience, some make-believe and some magic. 

I spent the next 5 years waffling back and forth between auditions and ad agencies before finally committing to life as an artist. I eventually left the advertising business for good, singing backups for local bands, writing and recording my own music, taking acting classes, and trying to convince agents that even though I had no performance training and little professional experience, I have always been an artist... it just took me some time to own it.

I used to lament the fact that I took the longest possible route to following my passion. If I had just gone to school for theatre in the first place, I wouldn't be starting my performance career so much older than my peers have. Where would my career be by now?

But truthfully, I love where I am now, personally and professionally. I met my husband at that first advertising job I took after college. I made lifelong friends at some of the jobs I 'hated'. And all the while, my passion never deserted me, even when when I thought I'd left it behind. 

To quote one of my favourite musicals: "Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss".

If you're still breathing, and you haven't yet taken your passion by the hand and let it lead you, it is still laying in wait. The path is still clear, and you are still able to walk it.

At least, that's what I've learned :-).

Xox,

~ LM 

Whatchutalkinbout Lisa!

I have no idea how I successfully packed for a 13-work tour. This was my thought as I was sitting on and swearing at my suitcase this morning, getting ready to leave for "Avenue Q".

Yes, I'm beginning a new adventure! A 6-week gig in Sudbury is perhaps a little less glamourous-sounding than a National Tour across 20+ cities. Ok, it IS less glamourous, but I assure you, I'm still as nervous, excited and anxious to begin this journey as I was on the last one. I've been blessed with a wicked momentum of musical theatre experiences as of late, but still consider myself very much a newbie to this world. 

As I write this, it's Monday April 7th, and I'm on my flight to Sudbury, which is about a 4 hour drive from Toronto. Home. Our first day of rehearsals for Avenue Q is on Tuesday, so the plan was to leave by bus yesterday afternoon and give myself time to settle in before getting down to business. Alas, I got a second callback for a REALLY BIG audition that I absolutely HAD to accept and it took place this Monday morning at 10am. So I shifted things around, and here I am. The audition went really well, thank you for asking! But now I have to do what performers do:  put the audition behind me and focus on the task at hand.  In this case, the role at hand.

My role? Well, if you are privy to the colour of my skin and the script of Avenue Q, you have already guessed that I am playing the role of Gary Coleman. Get your giggles out, it's true! Needless to say, this musical is a comedic piece, and comedy is well... new to me. In real life, I think I'm rather hilarious (the hubs may disagree), but I haven't really dug my teeth into a comedic ROLE - on stage OR screen - as yet. So I'm really looking forward to presenting this side of me for a paying audience. 

It also doesn't hurt that I get to live this opportunity alongside THE Michael DeRose!!!!! No big deal or anything, but he is just one of my BELOVEDS who TOURED with me in the cast of GODSPELL. You know, the same tour I posted over a dozen blogs about? The one that changed my life? If you read any of those blogs, you'll know it was the PEOPLE who were involved in that show, on AND off stage, who made that magical experience what it was. So Michael and I hit the roof when we realized we'd been hired together once again, for another piece of awesome work. I feel like I'm living a blissed life and I am SO grateful! Like, who do I owe?!?!? :-)

Ok, I've got to power off my device now before I get another glare from this flight attendant.

I love you. I don't even know who's reading this right now, but I know that I love you, lol! I've got so much to give, so why not?

Pray for my broken legs on this production... I'll do my best to keep you posted xoxoxoxo

Godspell National Tour: the final update!

The Godspell National Tour is now officially over. My heart is full and running over. And I'm not the only one. This will be a long post...

Over the past two weeks, we performed 16 shows at the Winspear Opera House in Dallas, Texas. We were then supposed to have our final performance of the tour last night in Tyler, Texas. But miserable weather conditions barred our route from Dallas to Tyler and our final show was cancelled.  We only found out on the morning of.

What that means, is that our final Godspell performance was on Sunday night and at the time, we didn't even know it was our last! It breaks my heart until I remember that nothing can change or take away what has already taken place. WE DID IT! It may be done, but it will always be OURS. I can still smile about that.

Thank you to our extended Godspell family, friends, fans and angels who became a part of our journey in loving & encouraging ways.

I extended this final Godspell post to include some of the thoughts and reflections from our cast & crew. Read it and weep (perhaps literally): 

***

"This whole experience has been like a magnificent Dream! One that I know when I wake up from it, I'll be laying in my bed at home, crying like a little baby."

- Jake Stern (Jesus)

"I'm going to miss seeing my family everyday on stage. Whenever we felt anything negative, we shed it off through performing our story about love.  The best part about the tour was creating this incredibly unique and heart fulfilling experience with this small group of people. Nobody will ever know what this experience was like accept for us. We will treasure it and keep it so dear to us for the rest of our lives. The good, the bad, the ugly, the cold- we lived and lived it in style! This experience will have a piece if my heart forever.." - Graham Parkhurst (John The Baptist / Judas)

"If I could describe in words the way this tour has impacted my life, I would. But I can't. I could never possibly do it justice. So much love, so much joy. This is not the end, thank you all." - Alex Baerg (Guitar 1)

"I will miss the laughs. Most of them at inappropriate times... But I have never met a group of people who could make me laugh so hard!!!" - Stacey Kay

"Since we started this tour my days have been full of belly laughs and smiles. I feel like we are all a part of something so much bigger than just this show. A community. There is an unspoken support and understanding that unites us, and to me that is so special. Years from now when you are all doing meaningful and marvelous things, I know I'll still have a place in this community. You are all the older brother's and sister's that I never wanted (seriously... I'm a bossy first born) but always needed. Thank you." - Rebecca McCauley

"Oh my heart I'm so sad... I'm trying to think of words to send to you and I can't even... How do you possibly explain how special this situation was? Maybe that can be my quote lol..." - Alessia Lupiano

"Thank you all for the love.  Many, many memories... It has been an incredible journey that will not stop here. The family connection will continue for many years to come. Thank you to everyone that made this journey possible... An experience that will never be forgotten. Love." - Janelle Murray 

"On this tour I found my soul, lost then wandering from city to city it came to rest at home. A family on the road, faith and adventure. My soul came alive and learned to love again." - Kirsten Upchurch (Swing Tech)

The quote above says: "The Artist must be sacrificed to their art.

Like the Bees, they must put their lives into the sting they give" - Ralph Waldo Emerson (added by Ivan Lo)

"Thank you Godspell Family - for the hope this work has brought to my life and those around us, the flood of memories I deeply cherish and more love and friendship than I could have imagined." - Lauren Karbowski (wardrobe lead)

"I got a gift. It came two years ago from one of the craziest auditions I've ever done. I sang every song in my book, jumped on a trampoline, sang like Sinatra, spoke like Katherine Hepburn and then I prayed...publicly. Then I smiled at Janelle and left the building.  Then I got the job. WINNING!  This experience made my heart bigger, it restored my faith, it made me redefine the word 'family' to myself.  I found the light in my world because of 15 minutes in a room. An arbitrary 15 minutes of audition that could have led nowhere. But instead, it led me to you.  Thanks for letting me play."  - Michael DeRose

" I can think of only one time where the performers were all immensely talented, the music was exhilarating, and the audience was completely breathless. It happened in an unlikely town called Petrolia [where we had our first run of Godspell].  Then we showed them, all over North America, our love for theatre, our love for music, and our love for each other. We sang about love.  I got to do what I love, with people I love, giving love to our audience, and getting it right back again.  I have one hell of an awesome job." - Daniel Baerg (Drummer)

"The Babel was explained, and we've been saved and prepared. Day is night. Lessons learned. The Lord has been blessed, and it was all for the best. Our gifts have been received and our light shines towards the new.  The Ol man has turned his final time, Alas. He was by our side the whole time. No more need to Beseech. It was a Beautiful city of men, with willows at it's gates... Every soul on and off stage, left their eternal mark on the history that is GODSPELL.  And as we take one more close look at the face  of our subject, we notice that Godspell has also, left a life-long mark on him." - Michael Hogeveen

~ Lisa Michelle

Twitter: @itslisamichelle

www.ThisIsLisaMichelle.com