I Don't Date Black Women

“I don’t date black women”. If you’ve ever uttered this phrase, and you’re black, please check yourself. And if you feel the need to say it to me, a BLACK WOMAN, then check yourself again.

Few things get me going, but this phrase strikes a personal chord with me every time. It hurts. Yes, even though I’m already happily married to a black man who loves and adores me, it still hurts because you are talking about ME. Saying “I don’t date black women” translates to “I don’t think black women are worth my love/affection/attention” or a combination of all three. 

Though I’m sure other races have said this about black women as well, I could care less. If you’re racist, your racist and that’s a whole other story – or blog post. But when I hear a black person say this about other black people, I feel a myriad of negative feelings. Let me break it down in an organized fashion, otherwise I could rant about this up and down, in zigzags and stripes:

Hurt – As I mentioned, if you “don’t date black women”, I take that personally and it hurts. What is so wholistically wrong with me that you wouldn’t want to get to know me on a deeper level? That you wouldn’t risk falling in love with me? And don’t tell me “well, not you specifically”… because if you made that ignorant, blanketed statement in the first place, than you have indeed included me in it

Confusion – Aren’t you black? In which case, isn’t your mama black? Got any sister’s and aunts with dark skin like your own? Do you think something is wrong with them too? How do you think they’d feel about your position on black women? How would you feel if someone told them they were born afflicted with inferiority… that they are not as beautiful as the other jewels on display? That they’re not worthy of your love/affection/attention? That they’ll be lucky to find someone who’ll love them and their big ass or nappy hair?

Pity – Ultimately, I pity the person with this mindset. Because to be black and hate black is to hate yourself. You can’t wash it off, no matter who you choose to date. Your children will be black, no matter how much you try to water down the percentage. You’ll always be seen as black, no matter the shade of the person on your arm. So get used to it. Better yet, LOVE IT.

I believe that love can find you in all kinds of shapes, sizes and colours. I’m not a purist or some radical freak. As a heterosexual female, I can assure you, I love men of ALL KINDS, lol!

It’s one thing to be open to love wherever it happens to find you. But it’s another to condemn an entire race based on your experiences with a few. So my people, before you go around saying “black women are this” or “black women are that” let me remind you that black women are… INDIVIDUALS. Like everyone else. Like you. Take a look in the mirror and check yourself.

I'll let Jill Scott take it from here: